DEAR ABBY: My stepdaughter, “Lily,” who lives in Canada, is married to an American, “Tom.” Somehow, collection agencies have connected Tom to my husband and me, and we have been receiving letters addressed to him. I opened one by mistake and learned the extent of his debt.

Now we are receiving two different letters each month for him, and I fear he may have even more debt than I have discovered. We don’t know if Lily is aware of their financial situation. They have spoken about moving to the States, but I don’t know if she would still be open to that if she knew about the debt collectors. They are already struggling financially and have a young child.

How should we broach this subject with them? Should we speak to them together, individually or just hand over the mail and stay out of it? We don’t like the idea of her being misled. This is casting a shadow over our upcoming vacation together. — SHOCKED IN THE EAST

DEAR SHOCKED: I vote for addressing this subject with Lilly and her husband in person and handing them the letters you have received, including the one that was opened in error. Your stepdaughter may or may not be aware of what she is in for, and it would be unfair not to let her know if she has been kept in the dark.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.